Dining With a Ruler

Solomon warns his son to be considerate if he is invited by a ruler to eat with him (Pro 23:1). He may feel flattered that the ruler invites him. In doing so, he may also be misled by the richly set table with the delicious food that makes your mouth water when you look at it. However, he should not look at ‘what’ he has before him, that delicious food, but at “who” (this is the better translation) he has before him, the ruler.

With that in mind, he must “put a knife” to his “throat” (Pro 23:2). This is especially true if he is “a man of [great] appetite”. The consumption of good food is not wrong, the craving for it is. The food on the table in front of him looks very attractive. Added to this, he is hungry and would like to swallow it in a moment. The father knows the danger of losing control of yourself and starting to feast. You are then a double prisoner. You are a prisoner of your gluttony and you are a prisoner of the ruler. You didn’t control yourself in his presence.

That is why the instruction to the son echoes “put a knife to your throat”, which means as much as “curb your appetite” or “control yourself”. It means to threaten your gluttony with death. The instruction is that it is better to put your knife to your throat than in the meat on the table. It comes down to what the Bible calls self-judgment. The Lord Jesus calls for this when He speaks of tearing out the eye and cutting off the hand as soon as we are tempted to do or look at something bad (Mt 5:29-30; Mt 18:8-9; 1Cor 9:24).

The reason for the warning and instruction of Pro 23:1-2 is given in Pro 23:3. The “delicacies” are a bait to get something done from him or to get information from him or to secure for himself his support. Let him not desire it, “for it is deceptive food”. The invitation to the meal was not made because he is such an important guest, but to put him in a good mood and then get something done from him. There are selfish motives behind it.

Therefore, as mentioned, he should not look at what he has in front of him (delicious food), but at who he has in front of him. Because Eve did not pay attention to who she had in front of her and only looked at what she had in front of her, sin entered the world (Gen 3:1-6). Because we are no better and also for us the temptation is great to accept such an invitation and take in such a meal, it is necessary that we pray for protection, as David did (Psa 141:4).

We can also apply “deceptive food” to false teachings about God’s Word. False teachers can present their false teachings about God in a ‘palatable’ way. For example, it sounds very appealing that God is love and yet He will not be so unmerciful as to let a man be eternally in hell in eternal pain. This false teaching is very ‘palatable’ to many people who thereby absorb the false teaching of ‘universal atonement’ into their heart, so that they are poisoned in their thinking.

Wealth Has Wings

Wealth has the same attraction as the food on a ruler’s table in the previous verses. Also, wealth is just as deceptive as the food on the ruler’s table. Therefore, wealth must also be handled very carefully. The warning is not to weary oneself to gain wealth (Pro 23:4). He who does weary himself for this purpose is absorbed and caught up in it. It is about wanting to become rich. He who wants to become rich runs great spiritual risks (1Tim 6:9-10).

We can imagine that the son is young and ambitious. He has many abilities and sees many challenges. But the father keeps telling him not to use his “consideration” to list all kinds of benefits that make wealth worth putting effort in to it, to toil for it. Let him stop looking for good reasons for doing something that is bad.

The reality is that just as his eyes ‘fly’ over the wealth, the wealth also “flies”, according to the literal translation of Pro 23:5: “Will your eyes fly upon it and it is not?” Solomon uses a pun here with the word fly. The eyes fly and the wealth flies. Just as quickly as the eyes fly, wealth make itself wings and flies away quickly. Wealth evaporates with the speed of “an eagle that flies [toward] the heavens”. You lose out, with no way to retrieve the wealth. One wrong speculation, a bank that fails, a thief who breaks in, and you have lost your entire capital at once.

The warning Solomon gives his son and us is not a warning against diligence and zeal, but against greed for money, against materialism with its dangers, the thirst for more wealth. It is better to use all our strength to gather treasures in heaven (Mt 6:19-20). It is also better, in imitation of Paul, to give all our strength to the work for the Lord. In setting our priorities, we show what we use our “consideration” for.

Hypocritical Hospitality

It is a mistake to accept hospitality from a stingy person (Pro 23:6). With every bite you take, you see him looking angry. The literal translation of “a selfish man”, is “angry eye” – see the contrast with “he who is generous” (Pro 22:9), which is someone with an “abundant eye”; see the notes on Proverbs 22:9. This miser is ill-mannered and inhospitable. You should have no desire to eat with him of “his delicacies”, no matter how much your mouth waters when you see such an abundance of the most delicious food before you. There is really nothing appetizing about a meal with such a person.

The man you are eating with is not as he pretends to be (Pro 23:7). As you sit eating, he is calculating what he has lost in terms of what you devour. It causes a hole in his wealth. He does make the invitation to “eat and drink”, but he doesn’t do it wholeheartedly, he doesn’t mean it, he is stingy. He does it grudgingly. Inwardly, with his heart, he is not connected to you, even though a meal expresses fellowship. He pays more attention to how much you eat – and thus what it costs him – than whether you enjoy it.

As the meal progresses, the host’s face contracts, making the food taste increasingly bad to you (Pro 23:8). Finally, his lack of sincerity will make you lose your appetite to the point that you vomit up what you have already eaten. And oh, how you will regret your compliments. You have expressed your appreciation for the invitation and praised your host for his good taste, but it is all wasted tribute. The man turns out to be a miser who just sat and watched you grumbling over each bite you took.

Don’t Waste Wise Words on a Fool

It makes no sense to speak words that are wise to an incorrigible fool. It is not because he would not understand what you are saying. Neither is it because he would listen poorly or that he would not even listen at all. It is much worse. It is not a matter of ignorance or impropriety, but of contempt for those kinds of words. A fool despises wisdom and therefore it is a waste of time to try to say something wise to him.

Words in which there is something wise, he will take as a correction and thus as an attack on his activities. He does not wish to be confronted with this in any way. He will reveal himself as an enemy of it and turn against you.

What Solomon is saying to his son here corresponds to what the Lord Jesus says to His disciples: “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces” (Mt 7:6).

Honoring the Property of the Powerless

Again the wise teacher points out to respect the rights of others to their property (Pro 23:10; Pro 22:28). This time he warns against moving “the ancient boundary” that demarcates the territory of the fatherless orphan. He who moves them violates his property. Not to “go into the fields of the fatherless” means that no one should come into those fields with hostile intentions, that is with the intention to move the boundary and thus rob some of their fields.

Pro 23:11 makes it clear why it is wise not to commit land grabbing and certainly not from the defenseless orphans. For he who does so will have to deal with Someone Who stands up for those who have no earthly father on whom they can lean and who stands up for them. They have a “Redeemer” Who is “strong” (Jer 50:34). He takes their case to Himself and will deal with the transgressor by taking him to court and condemning him. He is Goel, the Savior, the Helper (Psa 10:14), for those who can count on no man for help (Job 19:25). Widows and orphans, as defenseless, are under the direct care of God (Psa 68:5; Psa 82:3; Psa 146:9; Hos 14:4).

A Renewed Call to Listen

This proverb or instruction to the son is again an introductory exhortation and recalls the way many a section in the first main section (Proverbs 1-9) begins (Pro 1:8; Pro 2:1; Pro 3:1; Pro 4:1; Pro 5:1; Pro 6:20; Pro 7:1; Pro 8:1-6). The section on the words of the wise also begins with it (Pro 22:17). The son must open and apply his heart to discipline and listen carefully to the knowledge passed on to him by his father and mother. It is an activity required of the son.

“Apply” is an act, an activity, that is requested. A person must apply it to himself. This is not about a physical action, but his heart and his ear must apply it. It is not idly waiting for something to happen, a certain feeling or any such thing. The heart and ear must turn away from everything they are busy with to devote themselves to the teaching of wisdom.

Discipline Is Necessary

After the word is addressed to the son in Pro 23:12, the word is addressed to the parents in Pro 23:13-14. There have so far been two instructions about using the rod to correct (Pro 13:24; Pro 22:15) and a reference to abusing it, which could result in the death of the son (Pro 19:18). Now the two types of instruction are brought together.

If a child son commits an act of disobedience, he must be disciplined (Pro 23:13). This can be done verbally, but sometimes it is necessary for him not only to hear, but to feel that he has been disobedient. Then he must be struck with the rod. As noted earlier (see comments on Proverbs 22:15), it is not to be beaten without restraint. It is to confront him with his sin in a painful way. Sin always causes pain. He will not die from it, but rather he will be kept alive by it, that is, in the life God purposed and which gives the greatest satisfaction.

The infliction of physical discipline must be done by the parent himself, “you” (Pro 23:14). He should not leave that to another person. By disciplining him, the parent indicates that he is personally involved in his son’s well-being. He does not discipline because he is better. He himself has needed that discipline and has benefited from it.

It is not cruel to strike a child man with the stick; on the contrary, it is cruel not to do it. A child who has never been disciplined becomes, in most cases, unruly in his dealings with others. One who has never felt the pain of the rod of correction is often cruel, without any compassion toward others. He ends up in death, in the grave and in eternal pain. He dies prematurely due to a fatal lack of education. The use of the rod for correction could have saved his life from this and he could have lived a valuable and blessed life.

Wisdom Causes Gladness

These verses continue the topic of the previous two verses. The choice a child makes is just as important as the parents’ discipline. Discipline saves his life, but he must do something with his life. The father’s greatest concern is that he teach his son wisdom. The instruction with the use of the rod is part of that.

The father tells his son that his heart rejoices when the heart of his son is wise (Pro 23:15). He has done his best to instruct him in wisdom, while using the rod in necessary cases. Now it is the son’s turn to speak. What a joy it will be to the father’s heart when his son demonstrates a wise heart by making good choices. The son’s wise heart brings joy to the heart of his father. There is connectedness of heart. A son has a wise heart only when he lives in fellowship with God. The father emphasizes the joy of his father’s heart by saying “my own heart”.

In addition to the wise choices the son makes, the wisdom of his heart is also evident in speaking with his lips “what is right” (Pro 23:16). He will express himself appropriately on the issues at hand, making a substantial contribution to the realization of a plan or the solution of a problem. His words demonstrate wisdom and understanding of the complexities of life. That wisdom and understanding come not from below, but from above (Jam 3:13; 17). It is wisdom that is “is vindicated by all her children” (Lk 7:35), that is, wisdom is evident in the lives of these children, from what they show and hear.

The father cannot conceal his joy when he hears his son speak like this. He expresses his deep joy at this by speaking of his “inmost being”, literally “kidneys”, that “will rejoice”. The kidneys, along with the heart, symbolically represent the deepest, innermost feelings (cf. Job 19:27; Psa 7:9; Psa 16:7; Psa 26:2; Jer 11:20). This is consistent with what the ancient apostle John says that he is “very glad”, that is, it is his deepest joy when he hears that his (spiritual) children are “walking in the truth” (2Jn 1:4; cf. 1Thes 2:19-20).

What makes us happy as parents? Is it when we can show them off because of their nice diplomas, good position in society or even in the church? If they are healthy and talented? None of these are wrong things, but if that is our joy, we are one level too low. The only thing that should be important to parents is that their children have a living relationship with the Lord Jesus and live from that relationship. That gives a joy that never disappears.

The Fear of the LORD Gives Hope

These verses tell of a danger that threatens the young man that causes him to abandon wisdom, but they also tell of what enables him to hold on to it and what it brings him. When envy of sinners arises in his heart (Pro 23:17), wisdom is driven out. Wisdom remains in the heart only if it always is focused on “the fear of the LORD”.

There is no verb in the second line of verse – the word “live” is not there – so the thought of the first line of verse continues directly. The thought is that the first line of verse is warning the son not to envy sinners and the second line of verse is urging him to be envious of the fear of the LORD. It is the contrast is between wrong envy and right envy. The wrong envy is sin; the good envy is a spiritual exercise.

Envy sinners results from a comparison between what they have and what he can accomplish or afford (Psa 73:3-5). Such envy is opposed to trust and always stems from distrust of God. It is a lack of trust in God that He does not give you what you need. It involves doubting God and His love. That is why it is important to envy the fear of the LORD always. If you do that, if you focus on possessing that, you can joyfully accept your fate as something He gives you. You can then count on His blessing and rely on His promises and do that all day and all days.

The word “surely” with which Pro 23:18 begins gives the reason for the foregoing. For sinners there is no future. Therefore, it is folly to envy them. There is a future for those who envy the fear of the LORD and remain in it. Those who live in relationship with Him need not envy anyone. How the future is faced depends on fearing God. He is the One Who gives hope.

The Hebrew word for hope is tiqvah which literally means ‘cord’. This word is used for the cord that Rahab had to tie in the window (Jos 2:17-18). This cord was the symbol of the hope she had that she would be spared when Jericho was captured. Hope is what connects us to the eternity of God. Therefore, it cannot be cut off, ever, whereas the hope of sinners is cut off, because that hope is based on something outside of God and therefore, by definition, without foundation.

Again the Call to Listen

Once again the father emphatically addresses his son with the words “my son”. It is about you, my son, whom I love so much to see go a way that is to the glory of God. There is no end of becoming wise on earth. One who is wise will want to become wiser each time. One of the characteristics of someone who is wise is an awareness of the need to keep growing in wisdom. He who says he is perfect in wisdom is lying and is boundlessly haughty.

Listening underlies becoming wise. He who listens can become wise. Listening indicates the attitude of the disciple. The son is a disciple. The direction of the heart is inextricably related to this. The heart should not be directed in one’s own way, but “in the way” of the Lord or of wisdom. All the wisdom we gain is for the purpose of going the right way, the way of wisdom, which is no different from the way of the Lord. It is the way of life in which everything happens under His authority and to His glory.

Bad Company

The father insistently warns his son not to be in the company of drunkards and gluttons (Pro 23:20). These people know no measure. They represent a class of people characterized by a dramatic lack of self-control. They are spineless and characterless addicts. They are a company the son should avoid. If he befriends them, it will have a negative impact on his view of drunkenness and gluttony.

By the way, excessive drinking and eating are often symptoms of deeper problems. Alcohol is known to be primarily a ‘solvent’. It is used to temporarily reduce or forget soul distress and tension (cf. Pro 31:6-7). The same is true of too much food. Problems do not drive out to God, but to drink and food. Drunks and gluttons shut God out of their lives.

Pro 23:21 begins with the word “for”, meaning that now follows the motivation for the warning of the previous verse. The drunkard and glutton squander their money on their addiction. Their drinking and eating financially ruin them. They often put themselves deep in debt. They also drag their families along to the abyss. The intoxication in which they live continuously can be seen on them. They wear clothes “with rags” or “torn clothes” because every penny goes on drink or food and is not spent on repairing the clothes.

We can apply the ‘torn clothes’ spiritually as well. Drunks and gluttons live a life with “tears”. First, it is a life with tears in the sense of a double life. As long as they can keep the addiction hidden, they live two lives, a life with two faces. But their whole life tears into countless shreds when they can no longer keep their addiction hidden. This happens when they can no longer do their job properly and are fired or when creditors come forward because they are no longer meeting their financial obligations.

Honor and Rejoice Your Father and Mother

Soon after Pro 23:19, the call for the son to listen is heard again in Pro 23:22. Now it is added that he must listen to his father, the motivation being that he was the one who begot him. The son must listen to his father because he owes his natural life to him. This emphasizes not so much the biological relationship but a deeply human relationship. A father must realize the great privilege of having been allowed to beget a son and at the same time the tremendous responsibility (which is also a privilege) to teach his son the fear of the LORD as the beginning of wisdom.

It is one of the great tragedies of our time that more and more children have only a biological father. They have absolutely no human relationship with him, let alone a deeply human one, to say nothing at all about the task of teaching him the fear of God. It is downright shocking to hear that a father seeks contact via Facebook with his son whom he has not looked after for ten years because he ran off with another woman. After ten years, the son suddenly receives a request from his father via Facebook if he wants to become ‘his friend’. I leave it to the reader to think about the son’s reaction.

Solomon also has a word for his son about the mother. The son should not despise her “when she is old”. Not to despise means to have deep respect. Today children know much more intellectually than their parents. Often they also have more abilities. The intellectual knowledge of the parents lags far behind that of the children, and also their physical strengths decline. Diseases of old age may make their appearance, making the mother needy.

There is a great danger that the advice of an old mother will be despised by a child. It takes time to visit her. You already have so little time and the little free time you would like to spend for yourself. And if she then also gives her advice regarding what you are doing or want to do, you don’t want that at all. Such a child shows great ingratitude and insensitivity for the many years his mother has been there for him. She was always there for him.

The instruction not to despise the mother must still sound powerfully today. If the son is a wise son, he will continue to have deep respect for her among other things because of her commitment to him. Her care has allowed him to achieve what he is today. It is a reason to keep listening to his mother. Not that she continues to tell him what he should and should not do in the way she used to. It is about children continuing to listen to the experiences of life that she went through with God. Children still have to go through that. They do wise and honor her when they listen to her. She speaks through her words and through her whole life.

The first expression of honoring parents is to follow them in their holding to the truth. Therefore, in Pro 23:23 follows the instruction to buy the truth and not to sell it. He who is eager to have something, buys it and pays the price asked for it. He who sells something prefers the money to what he is selling. He who buys the truth and does not sell it pays the purchase price for it, no matter how high it is, and will not sell it again for any price, no matter how high the bid. It is not about a desire to buy the truth, but about actually purchasing it for the price it is worth.

Truth is not a particular doctrine, but consists of “wisdom and instruction and understanding”. These things are more valuable in life than any material prosperity and are necessary to make life on earth valuable. Their value is eternal and is connected to the knowledge of God in Christ. The ‘purchase price’ is the time we invest, the efforts we make and the resources we purchase to know more of the truth. Buying also means going to Christ and asking Him to give us wisdom, instruction and understanding by His Spirit (cf. Rev 3:18).

The appreciation for the truth that is evident from buying makes parents happy. Pro 23:24-25 describe the exuberant joy of parents whose son reveals himself to be righteous and wise. The father “will greatly rejoice” (Pro 23:24). It is again pointed out that he has “sired” him (Pro 23:22), emphasizing the profound involvement. It is the son who has come forth from him. He has sired him to make him a wise son.

In Pro 23:25, the son is told to make sure that both his father and his mother are glad and rejoice. This will be so when they see that he longs to go his way with the Lord. The father begot, the mother gave birth. Together they have raised the son. When they see that their upbringing has the effect they ardently desired, they have a deep joy (cf. 2Jn 1:4; 3Jn 1:4). Children must be made aware of the fact that by living a Godly life they will be a joy to their parents.

Two Ways

Solomon asks his son to give him his heart. By this he means that his son gives full attention to the teaching he gives him. In doing so, the father also points out his own ways, his actions and his walk, thus giving his son an example worth following (cf. 1Cor 4:16; 1Cor 11:1; Phil 3:17; 1Thes 1:6). He now appeals not to his ears to listen, but to his eyes to look. Let him keep the ways of his father before his eyes. Nor should he just look at them, but look at them with “delight” as something attractive.

In Pro 23:26, the father has turned insistently to his son, urging him to keep his ways before his eyes, to imitate him in them, and to take delight in them. In Pro 23:27 comes the reason, which is indicated by the word “for”. His urgent call is related to the sexual dangers that threaten the son. If he gives his heart to his father and keeps the ways of his father in mind, his heart will not go out to “a harlot” or “an adulterous woman”, i.e. a strange woman, and he will not set his eyes on her.

The father warns him about two kinds of women. The “harlot” is the prostitute, the woman who offers herself to commit sexual impurity with her. For payment, of course. The “adulterous woman” or “strange woman” is the married woman who wants something different. Today, both types of women also offer themselves through the Internet and commercials.

The father calls the harlot “a deep pit” and the adulterous woman “a narrow well”. If the son engages with the one, he will sink deep, and if he engages with the other, he will fall into utter distress. He will not be able to free himself from either the pit or the well. The pit and the well are a vestibule of hell. Only through Divine intervention in grace and power will it be possible to free himself from the pit and the well.

Pro 23:28 emphasizes that the son is dealing with a danger that is not merely latent, but is actually at work. As mentioned, the woman offers herself. For this “she lurks like a robber”. The word “surely” that precedes it gives extra force to his remark. Surely, that is how it is, and not otherwise. In Proverbs 7, the father described in detail the ways of the harlot and the consequences of her depravity (it is good to read that chapter again). Here he repeats that in brief.

Every man she persuades to commit harlotry with her “increases the faithless among men”. It means that her victims demonstrate faithlessness to God’s institution of marriage and are also faithless to their own marriage relationship. She also leads people to all kinds of other forms of faithlessness, such as lying, stealing, killing someone, committing suicide.

The Disastrous Consequences of Drunkenness

Immediately following the warning about harlotry in Pro 23:26-28 is a warning about drunkenness in Pro 23:29-35. This subject has already been briefly addressed by the wise in Pro 23:20-21. Drunkenness is closely related to harlotry (Rev 17:2) and also easily leads to harlotry (Pro 23:33). Vividly and imaginatively, the wise man paints the picture of someone who is drunk.

He begins in Pro 23:29 with six questions, to which he gives the answer in Pro 23:30. In Pro 23:31 he has some advice, while in Pro 23:32 he shows the consequences if his advice is not followed. In Pro 23:33-34, he addresses his son directly. He concludes his description in Pro 23:35 with words that come from the mouth of the drunkard himself.

The drunkard is one who cries “woe” and “sorrow” because he is miserable (Pro 23:29). These cries can also refer to what he causes others, such as his family, by his drunkenness. The drink turns him into someone who seeks contention, a troublemaker. When he awakens from his intoxication, there is “complaining”, because he is miserable. The “wounds” he has, he has received during his drunkenness, either from a fight or from stumbling or bumping into something over and over again in his waddling gait. They are “wounds without cause”, because he would not have suffered those wounds had he not been drunk. Because of his drunkenness, he can no longer see clearly, for his eyes are bloodshot, making his vision blurry and double.

The answer in Pro 23:30 to the six questions of Pro 23:29 is as brief as it is telling. Drunkards are described here as people “who linger long over wine” and “who go to taste mixed wine”. They do not drink a little glass with their food, but wine fills their existence. They continue drinking into the early hours. This includes tasting mixed drinks. This increases the drinking pleasure.

Drunks know no time and no responsibility. They are people without a spine. The fact that they have to be at work on time the next day does not concern them. They don’t think about how things are at home. They are in a daze and unable to think about responsibilities.

The father advises his son not to look at the wine “when it is red” (Pro 23:31), that is, when the wine has a special attractiveness. This may be when you are going through an unpleasant period, or have to deal with a major disappointment. There may then be a special temptation from wine to drink from it. Therefore, the urgent advice is not to look at it. If you do, you will see how attractive it is. Your resistance to it will melt like snow in the sun. You will put the cup of wine to your mouth and experience how smoothly it goes down.

But you must remember that the brief pleasure ends with the bite of a serpent and the sting of a viper (Pro 23:32). You will “at last” be destroyed by it. No one indulges in wine when he thinks for a moment about what the end is. His fellow drinkers don’t tell him that. They offer him the first glass of wine. If he doesn’t take it, they laugh at him. Therefore, he takes the glass and drinks it. Indeed, it drinks easily and it tastes exquisite. It ends up demolishing his entire human dignity.

In Pro 23:33-34, the father addresses his son directly. He should be aware that drunkenness makes boundaries blur and easily leads him to harlotry and debauched talk (Pro 23:33). His clouded brain no longer has the awareness that he is married. His eyes become eyes that see strange things or strange women, his eyes are full of adultery, and because he no longer has a sense of standards, he comes to the disgusting act of adultery. The language he utters is of the same perverse, disgusting content. Uninhibitedly, the most disgusting things come out of his mind.

The drunken son will be utterly insensitive to what happens to him (Pro 23:34). A drunkard does not know what he is doing, where he is and where he is going. He may find himself in the heart of the sea, in a heavy storm, but totally unaware that he could just drown. He is like a sleeper to whom nothing penetrates. Or he may find himself in the top of a mast, where he is swinging back and forth and can make a deadly fall, unaware of this danger. Again, he is like a sleeper to whom nothing penetrates. He saunters down the street and wallows in his own vomit without the slightest awareness of it (Isa 28:7-8; cf. Psa 107:26-27).

The drunkard knows he has been beaten, but he does not know by whom (Pro 23:35). It has not made him sick or bound him to his bed. They even struck him with hard blows, but he felt nothing. How wonderful it is to be drunk! Anything can happen to you, but it doesn’t bother you at all. This life he wants to continue. He is incorrigible, he just wants to remain drunk and therefore numb to misery. Therefore, when he wakes up, he will again reach for his great comforter, the bottle (Isa 56:12; Isa 5:11). What a tragedy!