How can deacons be "husbands of but one wife" in today's society? The Text at a Glance “Deacons must be the husbands of but one wife, managing their children and their own households competently.” (1 Timothy 3:12) The Plain Sense of the Phrase • Greek wording: “mias gunaikos andra” — literally, “a one-woman man.” • Paul gives the same wording for elders (1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:6), showing the standard is consistent across church leadership. • Scripture elsewhere confirms God’s original design of one man, one woman for life (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6). • Therefore, the verse plainly requires a deacon to be: – Male, if married, married to one woman. – Faithful to that one woman in heart, mind, and body. – Free from polygamy, adultery, and serial divorce/remarriage that violates Jesus’ teaching (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:9). What “One-Woman Man” Means for Deacons Today 1. Singular Marriage • Only one living wife. • No concurrent or “open” marriages. 2. Sexual & Emotional Exclusivity • Faithfulness extends beyond physical acts to private thoughts, online activity, and flirtations (Job 31:1; Proverbs 5:15-19). 3. Lifelong Commitment • Marriage endures “until death do us part” (Romans 7:2-3). 4. Biblically Permissible Singleness • An unmarried man may serve as a deacon if his life exemplifies the same purity (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). 5. Clear Repentance After Past Sin • Forgiveness is real (1 John 1:9). • Yet the congregation must be able to see a proven track record of marital or sexual purity before appointment (1 Timothy 3:10). Common Objections and Clarifications • “Does this forbid widowers from remarriage?” – No. Romans 7:3 allows remarriage after the spouse’s death without violating the “one-woman man” requirement. • “What about divorce before conversion?” – Past sin is washed away in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). The question is whether the man’s current marriage and testimony meet the standard of unquestioned faithfulness. • “Can a man divorced on biblical grounds serve?” – If the divorce met Christ’s lone exception of sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9) and he is now faithfully married, many congregations conclude he fits the text. Each case must be weighed soberly with Titus 1:7 in mind: “an overseer must be blameless.” Practical Steps for Aspiring and Serving Deacons • Cultivate daily intimacy with your wife—conversation, shared prayer, and affection. • Guard every screen and device; accountability software can help (Psalm 101:3). • Keep short accounts—confess sin quickly and seek forgiveness. • Model covenant-keeping love before your children; they watch and imitate. • Submit financial, calendar, and travel decisions to mutual agreement, avoiding situations that appear compromising (1 Thessalonians 5:22). • Invite older, godly couples to mentor you; humble transparency strengthens purity. Why This Standard Matters for the Church • Upholds the gospel picture of Christ’s exclusive love for His bride (Ephesians 5:25-32). • Protects the flock from scandal and confusion in a culture of sexual chaos. • Sets a living example for younger believers who desperately need models of steadfast marriage. • Glorifies God by displaying His original, good creation design, unaltered by contemporary trends (Malachi 2:15-16). A deacon living as a “one-woman man” stands as a quiet yet powerful testimony that Scripture’s timeless blueprint for marriage still works—and still shines—in today’s world. |
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