How can we guard against using others for selfish purposes, like Saul? Setting the Scene: Saul’s Calculated Offer “ ‘I will give her to him,’ Saul thought, ‘so that she may be a snare to him and so that the hand of the Philistines will be against him.’ So Saul said to David, ‘You have a second opportunity to become my son-in-law today.’ ” (1 Samuel 18:21) Saul offered his daughter to David, not out of affection, but to set a trap. His words sounded generous; his intent was deadly. The contrast between appearance and motive is the heart of the warning. Why Self-Serving Motives Are So Dangerous • They counterfeit genuine love, eroding trust and community. • They invite God’s discipline—He “examines the motives of the heart” (1 Chronicles 28:9). • They open doors to further sin (James 3:16). • They damage our witness; people sense when they’re being “used.” Recognizing the Warning Signs in Ourselves • We calculate what another person can do for us more than how we can serve them. • We offer favors with silent IOUs attached. • We celebrate others’ failures or struggles because they advance our agenda (Proverbs 24:17). • We bend truth or withhold information to secure an advantage (Colossians 3:9). Biblical Safeguards Against Using People 1. Examine motives daily. “Search me, O God, and know my heart… ” (Psalm 139:23-24). Ask the Lord to expose hidden agendas before they blossom into action. 2. Embrace the mind of Christ. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3-4). 3. Practice transparent speech. “Let your ‘Yes’ be yes and your ‘No,’ no” (Matthew 5:37). Clear, honest communication leaves no room for manipulation. 4. Pursue sacrificial love. “Love is patient, love is kind… it does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). Intentionally choose at least one act each day that benefits someone who cannot repay you. 5. Seek accountability. Invite a spiritually mature friend to ask, “Why are you doing this?” “What do you hope to gain?” (Proverbs 27:17). 6. Walk by the Spirit. “Serve one another in love… walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh” (Galatians 5:13, 16). Dependence on the Spirit crucifies selfish impulses (v. 24). Christ’s Example vs. Saul’s Example Saul: used a daughter as bait, wanted David harmed. Christ: “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28). When His Spirit lives in us, the pattern flips from taking to giving, from scheming to serving. Living It Out This Week • Begin each morning with a simple heart check: “Father, purify my motives today.” • Before any commitment, pause and ask, “Am I loving this person, or leveraging them?” • Replace hidden agendas with open-handed generosity—offer help with no strings attached. • Celebrate others’ successes out loud; train the heart to rejoice in their good. • End the day reviewing any interactions that felt manipulative; confess, repent, and make restitution if needed. God’s Word slices through our camouflage and heals our hearts. Walking in the light keeps us from Saul’s snare and lets Christ’s selfless love shine through every relationship. |
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