How important is physical attraction in choosing a spouse? Definition and Context Physical attraction can be described as the natural draw one person feels toward the outward appearance of another. In many cultures, it is often considered an important factor when choosing a spouse. However, the scriptural point of view provides a more holistic understanding, emphasizing character, spiritual maturity, and covenant faithfulness alongside any physical appeal. The Berean Standard Bible passages that address relational harmony and marital bonds underline the significance of the heart and soul above external beauty. Biblical Foundations of Marriage Marriage was established at creation, rooted in the divine design for humanity. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This foundational principle reveals that God’s intent for marriage goes far beyond surface attraction, focusing chiefly on unity, companionship, and mutual spiritual edification. 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 reinforces the idea that marriage involves mutual commitment and support, both physically and emotionally. While physical attraction can play a part, Scripture underscores the deeper covenant union—one centered on sacrificial love, respect, and faithfulness. Examples of Attraction in Scripture 1. Jacob and Rachel Genesis 29:17–20 shows Jacob’s deep affection for Rachel. Verse 17 notes that Rachel “was shapely and beautiful,” which caught Jacob’s eye. Yet beyond her outward appearance, Jacob’s willingness to work fourteen years to marry her points to the importance of a committed heart—demonstrating that attraction alone did not form the bedrock of their marital bond. 2. Song of Solomon The Song of Solomon celebrates romantic desire and physical attraction within the covenant of marriage. “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; in you there is no flaw” (Song of Solomon 4:7). This poetic expression shows that Scripture does not diminish the place of physical attraction. Yet, the overarching theme of the book stresses the richness of a love grounded in mutual respect, admiration, and an exclusive covenant relationship. 3. Isaac and Rebekah Genesis 24:16 describes Rebekah as “very beautiful,” but the entire narrative (Genesis 24:1–66) stresses her character and God’s leading. Abraham’s servant prayed for divine guidance, seeking a woman of kindness and hospitality (Genesis 24:12–14). Thus, while Rebekah’s beauty is acknowledged, it is her heart and her alignment with God’s plan that validate her as Isaac’s spouse. Scriptural Emphasis on Inner Qualities 1 Samuel 16:7 emphasizes that “the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” When evaluating a prospective spouse, the Bible repeatedly highlights spiritual traits and virtue over temporary external beauty. Physical attraction may be part of God’s gift in marriage, but it is only one dimension of the person. Likewise, 1 Peter 3:3–4 warns against placing undue value on external adornments: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment… but from the inner disposition of your heart…” This indicates that, while there is nothing inherently wrong with appreciating physical beauty, true beauty is rooted in one’s spirit and godly character. Relational and Behavioral Perspective From a behavioral science standpoint, initial attraction can spark interest, but lasting marital contentment often correlates with shared values, mutual respect, and strong communication. Studies within psychology find that couples with aligned core beliefs and convictions enjoy greater relational resilience. Physical attraction tends to be subjective and can fluctuate; enduring companionship thrives on qualities such as empathy, kindness, and commitment. When matched with the biblical call to love sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25–28), marital satisfaction stems from investing in spiritual unity, emotional support, and shared purpose more than on transient physical appearances. Spiritual Health and Shared Faith Second Corinthians 6:14 cautions believers against being “unequally yoked,” emphasizing that spiritual alignment is of paramount importance. Marriage involves spiritual partnership—even more critical than physical appeal. A spouse’s faith in, and pursuit of, God’s truth shapes the home environment and raises the potential for lifelong growth in grace. Shared spiritual health fosters a depth of intimacy that transcends external attributes. While outward attraction may draw attention at first, a thriving marriage necessitates unity in worship, prayer, and biblical fellowship (Colossians 3:16; Hebrews 10:24–25). Historical and Manuscript Evidence In the broader scriptural tradition, multiple manuscript discoveries (including portions of the Song of Solomon found at Qumran) confirm the historicity and consistency of biblical texts regarding marriage and love. These manuscripts align with the Masoretic Text, underscoring the enduring message that interior qualities and covenant love hold highest importance in biblical teaching. Archeological findings of ancient marriage contracts and communal practices also confirm that faithfulness, mutual commitment, and a reverence for God consistently formed the bedrock of Hebrew understandings of courtship and marriage. Integrated Understanding of Physical Attraction 1. A God-Given Aspect: Physical attraction is not condemned in Scripture. Song of Solomon, as well as narratives like Jacob’s interest in Rachel, showcases the delight found in romantic appeal. 2. Not the Sole Foundation: Emphasis on virtue, character, and spiritual devotion underscores that external beauty must not be the deciding factor for marriage. 3. A Reflection of Deeper Truth: The powerful bond that includes physical attraction stands as a reflection of the greater spiritual oneness that God intends for husband and wife. Practical Guidance for Choosing a Spouse • Pray for Discernment: Consult God and Scripture for guidance. As illustrated in Genesis 24, patiently seek divine leading rather than merely following physical inclinations. • Evaluate Character: Observe how a potential spouse treats others and responds to challenges. Look for evidence of spiritual maturity, such as prayerfulness and a heart for God’s Word (Psalm 119:105). • Prioritize Shared Faith: Ensure alignment in key theological convictions and life purposes (Ephesians 4:4–6). • Cultivate Selfless Love: Physical attraction may wane over time, but sacrificial love—modeled by Christ—lasts. Focus on love’s enduring attributes (1 Corinthians 13:4–7). Conclusion Physical attraction, while an acknowledged facet of biblically described relationships, constitutes only part of the criteria when choosing a spouse. Scripture and scholarly evidence consistently affirm that enduring marital joy is built upon spiritual unity, shared faith, godly character, and loving kindness. Physical beauty can open one’s eyes, but it is spiritual maturity and heartfelt devotion that secure a lasting, God-honoring bond. |
    |