The Parting of Friends
1 Samuel 20:41
And as soon as the lad was gone, David arose out of a place toward the south, and fell on his face to the ground…


Friends sometimes part because they cease to esteem each other. They also sometimes part not in feeling, but only in space; not willingly, but under the constraint of a higher necessity; and their separation is one of the most painful trials of life. Such was the parting of Jonathan and David. "This is the culminating point in the mutual relations of the two friends who furnish the eternal type of the perfection of noble friendship; and, moreover, in these last hours before their separation, all the threads of their destinies, henceforth so widely different, are secretly woven together. It is also at this point, consequently, that the clearest anticipation of the whole subsequent history already shines through. As Jonathan here foresees, David afterwards obtains the kingdom; and, in accordance with his oath to his friend, he afterwards, when a powerful king, always spares the descendants of Jonathan, in grateful remembrance of his dearly loved friend, and never loses an opportunity of showing them kindness" (Ewald). In their parting we observe -

I. COURTESY. David "fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times." He did so not merely in external and courtier like obeisance to the prince, but also in heartfelt esteem and homage to the friend, who had shown his fidelity in a great crisis, virtually renounced the prospect of a kingdom for his sake and in obedience to what he saw to be the Divine purpose, and was worthy of the highest honour. True courtesy -

1. Has its seat in the heart, and expresses itself in appropriate speech and conduct in intercourse with others, according to the custom of the time and place and the relative position they occupy. The outward bearing of itself, is morally worthless. It may be superficial and hypocritical. Yet "courtesy of feeling is very much acquired and promoted by cultivating courtesy of manner. Gentleness of manner has some influence on gentleness of life."

2. Is the opposite of selfishness and pride (the chief causes of its absence); unsociableness, austerity, and moroseness; coldness, reserve, and neglect; contemptuous demeanour, rudeness, and undue familiarity. And it by no means implies obsequiousness or want of self-respect.

3. Consits of humility, benevolent regard for others, kindly consideration for their feelings even in little things, gentleness, and frankness.

4. Is attended with many advantages; commended by the examples recorded in the word of God, and enjoined by its precepts (Genesis 23:12; Luke 7:44; Acts 28:7; Philemon). "Whatsoever things are lovely," etc. (Philippians 4:8). "Be courteous" (1 Peter 3:8).

II. TENDERNESS. "And they kissed one another, and wept with one another, until David exceeded" (LXX., "wept one with another with great lamentation"). The tenderness of their affection and grief was "wonderful." Something of the same tenderness -

1. Is commonly possessed by men of a brave and noble type of character. "There is in David (as there is said to be in all great geniuses) a feminine as well as a masculine vein; a passionate tenderness, a keen sensibility, a vast capacity of sympathy, sadness, and suffering which makes him truly a type of the Man of sorrows" (Kingsley).

2. Is revealed in them by special circumstances, and is in such circumstances worthy of them.

3. Is shown in sympathy with the trouble of others, rather than in grief occasioned by the deprivation of their friendship and aid. The loss which David and Jonathan were each about to suffer by the separation was great; but they were chiefly affected by the thought of the trouble which awaited each other: the one to become an outlaw and to be pursued with relentless malice; the other to bear the frowns of his royal father, and witness his ruinous career, without any consolation but that derived from the prospect of a better time under the rule of his chosen friend.

4. Appears in the restraint which is put upon the indulgence of personal feeling, from concern for others' welfare. The interview might not be prolonged. There was danger in delay. And Jonathan hastened the departure of his friend, saying, "Go in peace." Equal tenderness appears in none save those whose hearts are softened and pervaded by Divine grace (Acts 20:37, 38; Acts 21:13), or in "the Friend of sinners."

III. PIETY. "Go in peace, forasmuch," etc. Their souls were "knit" to God before they were knit to each other; the one was the cause of the other; their covenant was made "in the name of Jehovah," and he would still be with them when they parted. The piety which is possessed in common alleviates and sanctifies the grief occasioned by the separation of friends. It appears in -

1. The fellowship which is held with the eternal Friend and abides amidst all earthly changes.

2. Submission to his sovereign will, which appoints the lot of each and all (Acts 21:13).

3. Faith in his overruling power and goodness, according to which "all things work together for good" - the welfare of his people, the establishment of his kingdom.

4. The wish and prayer for his continued presence and blessing. In him parted friends may still meet, continue of "one heart and one soul," and obtain by their prayers invaluable benefits for one another.

IV. HOPEFULNESS. They did not part without the hope of meeting again in this life (which was fulfilled - 1 Samuel 23:16), and doubtless also in the eternal home to which God gathers his people. "Let it be considered what a melancholy thing any friendship would be that should be destined to expire with all its pleasures and advantages at death. That is the worthy and happy friendship, and that alone, where the parties are zealously preparing and have a good hope to meet in a nobler scene" (J. Foster). The friendship which is formed and cherished in God is not dissolved by death, but is renewed in "a life beyond life," and perpetuated forever.

"As for my friends, they are not lost;
The several vessels of thy fleet,
Though parted now, by tempest tossed,
Shall safely in the haven meet." = - D.



Parallel Verses
KJV: And as soon as the lad was gone, David arose out of a place toward the south, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times: and they kissed one another, and wept one with another, until David exceeded.

WEB: As soon as the boy was gone, David arose out of [a place] toward the South, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times. They kissed one another, and wept one with another, and David wept the most.




An Obedient Lad
Top of Page
Top of Page