What does Abner's interaction teach about resolving conflicts within the Christian community? The Situation at Gibeon “Abner turned and asked, ‘Is that you, Asahel?’ ‘It is,’ he replied.” (2 Samuel 2:20) Two armies—one loyal to Ish-bosheth, the other to David—collide. Asahel, swift as a gazelle, pursues Abner. Verse 20 captures the moment Abner pauses, looks back, and calls out. Within that brief exchange lie several timeless principles for settling disputes among believers. Key Observations from Abner’s Interaction • He pauses in the heat of conflict and looks back—momentary self-control. • He speaks directly to the pursuer—clear, honest communication. • He calls Asahel by name—personal recognition rather than nameless opposition. • He waits for Asahel’s response—two-way conversation, not a monologue. • (See v. 21) He offers an alternate path—an invitation to disengage before blood is shed. Lessons for Resolving Conflicts in the Church 1. Stop and see the person behind the problem. – Abner “looked behind him.” Before reacting, look at the brother or sister created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). 2. Initiate respectful dialogue. – Abner’s question invites clarification. Compare Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” 3. Call each other by name. – Using a name affirms relationship (John 10:3, “He calls his own sheep by name”). 4. Listen for a response. – James 1:19: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” 5. Offer a peaceful escape route. – Abner urges Asahel to “turn aside” (v. 21). Provide practical options for cooling down before harm multiplies (Romans 14:19). 6. Value life and unity above winning. – Abner warns, “Why should I strike you?” (v. 22). Likewise, Ephesians 4:3 urges us to “make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” 7. Act before matters escalate. – Matthew 5:25: “Settle matters quickly with your adversary.” Abner tries, though tragically Asahel refuses. Supporting Passages to Reinforce the Pattern • Matthew 18:15-17—Go directly, speak privately, involve others only if necessary. • Galatians 6:1—Restore gently, watching yourself. • Romans 12:18—“If it is possible…live at peace with everyone.” • Colossians 3:13—Bear with one another, forgive grievances. • Proverbs 17:14—“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Practical Takeaways for Today – When tensions rise, slow down and acknowledge the other person’s humanity. – Begin with a question, not an accusation. – Use names; avoid labels. – Listen more than you speak. – Suggest concrete steps to defuse the situation. – Aim for restoration, not victory. – Remember the fellowship is worth more than being right. Abner’s brief glance back teaches that even amid sharp disagreement, believers can choose recognition, conversation, and peacemaking—steps that honor Christ and safeguard unity. |
    |