How can we cultivate appreciation for our spouse as seen in Song of Solomon 5:9?

The Question That Sparks Appreciation

Song of Solomon 5:9: “How is your beloved better than others, O most beautiful among women? How is your beloved better than another, that you so charge us?”

The chorus of friends essentially asks, “What makes your husband so special?” Their curiosity becomes a gentle challenge: can you articulate why you treasure your spouse? In the next verses the bride answers with vivid, poetic praise—an inspired model for us.

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Why Specific Praise Matters

• Naming qualities forces us to notice them.

• Detailed affirmation fuels affection in both spouses.

• Verbal honor safeguards the marriage bond from comparison (Proverbs 5:18-19).

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Practices for Growing Appreciation

• Regular reflection

– Take moments each day to catalog three things you value in your spouse. (Philippians 4:8)

• Speak it out

– Offer praise in private conversation and in front of others, just as the bride will do in 5:10-16. (Proverbs 31:28)

• Remember the covenant

– Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31 – the oneness of marriage makes your spouse incomparable.

• Resist comparison

– The friends invite comparison; the bride refuses by focusing solely on her beloved. Guard against measuring your spouse by anyone else.

• Celebrate strengths, not just roles

– List character traits, skills, spiritual gifts, and small daily kindnesses.

• Rehearse shared history

– Talk about early memories, answered prayers, victories you’ve walked through together (Deuteronomy 4:9).

• Serve with gratitude

– Acts of service reinforce verbal appreciation (Galatians 5:13).

• Pray for new eyes

– Ask the Lord to keep your heart tender and your vision clear (Ephesians 1:18).

• Practice thank-you habits

– Write notes, send quick texts, or simply say “I noticed…” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

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Scripture Echoes That Deepen Appreciation

• Proverbs 18:22 – “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.”

• Ephesians 5:28-29 – Husbands nourish and cherish their wives as their own bodies.

• 1 Peter 3:7 – Wives are co-heirs of grace; husbands honor them.

• Colossians 3:19 – Love that refuses harshness cultivates gratitude.

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Putting It Into Daily Life

1. Begin mornings by thanking God for one trait in your spouse.

2. At the dinner table, share one recent example of their goodness.

3. Set a weekly “Song of Solomon moment”: briefly describe aloud why your spouse is “better than others.”

4. Guard your speech—never belittle your spouse to friends; instead, echo the bride’s honoring tone.

5. End each day asking, “Did I make my appreciation clear today?” If not, do it before you sleep.

Just as the bride’s vivid praise flows freely after verse 9, your intentional gratitude can overflow into a richer, more joyful marriage, answering anyone who might ask, “What makes your beloved so special?”