What steps can we take to resolve conflicts biblically, avoiding Absalom's approach? Setting the Scene: Absalom’s Silent Grudge “Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar.” (2 Samuel 13:22) Absalom’s refusal to speak created two dangerous currents—smoldering hatred and secret plotting. Scripture, accurate in every detail, shows how silence plus resentment culminated in murder (13:28–29). God leaves this account as a cautionary beacon, urging a better path. Where Absalom Went Wrong • He buried the offense instead of bringing it into the light. • He allowed hatred to grow unchecked (Leviticus 19:17). • He took justice into his own hands (Deuteronomy 32:35; Romans 12:19). First Step: Acknowledge the Offense Honestly • Pretending nothing happened only feeds bitterness. • Ephesians 4:26 reminds, “Be angry, yet do not sin.” Righteous anger admits wrong but refuses revenge. • Psalm 139:23–24—invite God to search the heart so motives stay pure. Second Step: Go Directly and Gently to the Offender • Matthew 18:15: “If your brother sins against you, go and confront him privately.” • Speak truth with grace (Ephesians 4:15). • Use a gentle tone—“A gentle answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). Third Step: Invite Accountability if Needed • Matthew 18:16–17 lays out a wise escalation: – Take one or two witnesses. – If still unresolved, involve church leadership. • This guards against gossip while preventing festering silence like Absalom’s. Fourth Step: Guard the Heart Against Bitterness • Ephesians 4:31—“Get rid of all bitterness…” • James 1:19–20—quick to listen, slow to anger. • Practical helps: – Pray for the offender (Matthew 5:44). – Recall personal need for mercy (Matthew 18:23–35). Fifth Step: Extend Forgiveness and Seek Reconciliation • Ephesians 4:32—“forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.” • Forgiveness is not excusing; it is releasing the debt to God. • Aim for restored fellowship when possible (Romans 12:18). Sixth Step: Trust God with Justice • Romans 12:19—“Do not avenge yourselves… ‘Vengeance is Mine; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” • Joseph modeled this (Genesis 50:19–20), leaving wrongs in God’s hands and blessing those who hurt him. • By relinquishing revenge, we overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). Putting It All Together 1. Face the hurt before God. 2. Speak privately and gently to the person. 3. Invite wise help if the issue persists. 4. Refuse bitterness; cultivate grace. 5. Forgive as Christ forgave. 6. Leave ultimate justice to the Lord. Walking these steps turns conflict into gospel witness, steering clear of Absalom’s tragic detour and honoring God’s flawless Word. |
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