How can we discern flattery from genuine encouragement in relationships? The Text at a Glance Proverbs 26:28: “A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth causes ruin.” Definitions: Flattery vs. Encouragement • Flattery: – Speech that manipulates, exaggerates, or deceives for self-advantage. – Driven by hidden motives—gain, favor, or control. • Encouragement: – Speech that builds up in truth, motivated by love. – Seeks the hearer’s good and God’s glory. Why Flattery Is Dangerous • It blinds: “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.” (Proverbs 29:5) • It wounds under a smile: “Deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” (Proverbs 27:6) • It provokes God’s judgment: “May the LORD cut off all flattering lips.” (Psalm 12:3) How to Discern Flattery • Check the source – Is the speaker known for honesty? (Proverbs 12:22) • Look for consistency – Do their words match past actions? (Matthew 7:16) • Inspect the content – Is the praise exaggerated or vague? Flattery lounges in extremes. • Observe the timing – Does the affirmation come when the speaker wants something? (Proverbs 28:23) • Weigh the effect – Do the words draw you toward pride or toward Christ? (James 4:6) Marks of Genuine Encouragement • Anchored in truth—honest, specific, verifiable. • Other-focused—benefits the listener, not the speaker. (1 Thessalonians 5:11) • Aligned with righteousness—never excuses sin. (Romans 12:9) • Produces edification—leaves the hearer strengthened to obey God. (Ephesians 4:29) Practical Steps to Cultivate Discernment • Know the Word—truth exposes deception. (Hebrews 4:12) • Pray for insight—ask the Spirit for wisdom. (James 1:5) • Seek counsel—trusted believers help test motives. (Proverbs 15:22) • Guard your heart—keep pride and neediness in check so flattery has no bait. (Proverbs 4:23) Guarding Our Own Speech • Speak truth in love, even when it costs. (Ephesians 4:15) • Offer encouragement that points to God’s work, not human glory. (Philippians 2:13) • Let your yes be yes—avoid exaggeration and hidden agendas. (Matthew 5:37) Closing Reflection Flattery ruins because it trades truth for selfish gain. Genuine encouragement, rooted in Scripture and love, reflects the Lord who “desires truth in the inmost being” (Psalm 51:6). As we let His Word govern our tongues and test what we hear, relationships flourish in authenticity and grace. |
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