How can we avoid being "like charcoal to embers" in our relationships? The Word Picture: Fueling Strife “Like charcoal to embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.” (Proverbs 26:21) Charcoal and dry wood have one job: intensify the heat. In the same way, a hot-tempered or argumentative spirit can turn a small irritation into a blazing conflict. Spotting the Modern Charcoal Common “fuels” that ignite relationships: • Uncontrolled anger • Sarcasm or cutting humor • Gossip and whispering (Proverbs 26:20) • Stubborn pride • Touchy defensiveness • Negative, fault-finding speech • Old offenses kept alive instead of forgiven Practical Ways to Remove the Fuel • Choose silence when emotions surge—“Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). • Step back, breathe, and pray before replying (Psalm 141:3). • Keep short accounts: resolve issues the same day (Ephesians 4:26). • Refuse to rehearse past hurts. Forgive as Christ forgave (Ephesians 4:32). • Walk away from gossip; shut it down with grace (Proverbs 26:20). • Serve the other person in a practical way; kindness douses sparks (Romans 12:20-21). Words That Quench Instead of Ignite • A gentle answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). • Speak only words that build up and “bring grace to those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). • Cut off the rumor mill—“the tongue is a fire” (James 3:5-6). • Offer blessings, not barbs: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult” (1 Peter 3:9). Cultivating a Heart of Peace • Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart (Colossians 3:15). • Invite the Spirit to grow His fruit—“love, joy, peace, patience…” (Galatians 5:22-23). • Daily time in Scripture realigns thoughts and tempers. • Practice gratitude; thankful hearts are slower to flare up. Putting It Into Practice Every Day In marriage: respond, don’t react; hold hands during hard talks. With children: correct firmly yet kindly; celebrate progress. At work: overlook minor slights, seek solutions not blame. Online: pause before posting; ask if the comment builds peace. Church life: value unity over preference, honor leaders, serve faithfully. Key Scriptures to Memorize Living this way removes the charcoal. Without fresh fuel, the fire of strife dies down, and relationships can warm rather than burn. |
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