What practical steps prevent us from becoming a "contentious man" in Proverbs 26:21? Setting the Scene Proverbs 26:21 sets a vivid picture: “As charcoal to hot embers and as wood to fire, so a quarrelsome man kindles strife.” Just as fresh fuel guarantees a blaze, a contentious spirit guarantees conflict. Scripture urges us to break that cycle before it begins. Why Contention Is So Harmful • It destroys fellowship (Proverbs 17:14). • It stifles prayer and worship (Matthew 5:23-24). • It grieves the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30-31). • It mars our witness (Philippians 2:14-15). Recognizing the Seeds of Strife • Pride (Proverbs 13:10). • An uncontrolled tongue (Proverbs 10:19). • Quick temper (Proverbs 15:18). • Love of winning arguments more than winning people (1 Corinthians 13:1-3). Practical Steps to Starve the Fire • Guard your heart daily – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23) – Begin each day surrendering motives and attitudes to the Lord. • Slow down your responses – “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” (James 1:19-20) – Build in a pause: count to ten, breathe, pray before replying. • Cultivate gentle speech – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) – Use lower volume, kinder words, and affirming tones. • Choose humility over being right – “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3) – Admit mistakes quickly; seek reconciliation over vindication. • Stay filled with the Spirit – “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16) – Ask the Holy Spirit to produce love, patience, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). • Set a guard over your mouth – “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3) – Memorize verses that encourage restraint; write them where you’ll see them. • Keep short accounts – “Do not let the sun set upon your anger.” (Ephesians 4:26-27) – Resolve issues promptly; don’t allow bitterness to ferment. • Surround yourself with peacemakers – “Whoever walks with the wise will become wise.” (Proverbs 13:20) – Spend time with believers who exemplify calm, gentle wisdom. Daily Habits That Maintain Peace • Begin and end the day with thanksgiving (1 Thessalonians 5:18). • Journal triggers of irritation; pray over them. • Speak encouraging words to at least one person daily (Ephesians 4:29). • Practice active listening—repeat back what you heard before responding. • Schedule regular rest; fatigue feeds irritability (Mark 6:31). Closing Encouragement Contention is a fire, but the Spirit’s fruit is living water. Each deliberate choice to guard the heart, restrain the tongue, and walk in humility deprives strife of fuel and lets Christ’s peace rule. |
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