What steps can we take to reconcile with an offended brother? Respect the Warning of Proverbs 18:19 “A brother offended is harder to win than a fortified city, and disputes are like the bars of a castle.” • Offense erects walls every bit as real as stone and iron. • Acknowledging the weight of the hurt is the first step toward breaching those walls. • Reconciliation will require intentional, persistent effort; don’t expect quick fixes. Examine Your Heart First “Search me, O God, and know my heart…” (Psalm 139:23) • Ask the Lord to reveal selfish motives (James 4:1). • Own any part you played: “Each of us will give an account of himself to God.” (Romans 14:12) • Repent before you approach: “Create in me a clean heart, O God.” (Psalm 51:10) Move Toward Your Brother, Not Away “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there… first be reconciled…” (Matthew 5:23-24) • Initiate; don’t wait. Love pursues. • Go in person when possible—presence communicates value. • Choose a private setting (Matthew 18:15) to protect dignity. Listen Before You Speak “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” (James 1:19) • Let him tell his side without interruption. • Reflect back what you hear; show you understand. • Validate feelings even if you disagree with conclusions. Confess Clearly and Specifically “Confess your sins to one another.” (James 5:16) • Name the offense: “I lied to you,” not “Mistakes were made.” • Avoid excuses or shifting blame. • Express godly sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:10). Offer Restitution Where Possible “If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me.” (Philemon 18) • Restore what was lost—money, time, reputation. • Ask, “How can I make this right?” • Follow through promptly; integrity rebuilds trust. Commit to Ongoing Peace “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18) • Set boundaries that prevent repeat hurts (Proverbs 4:23). • Cultivate forgiveness daily: “Bear with one another and forgive…” (Colossians 3:13). • Encourage accountability partners (Galatians 6:1). Persevere in Love “Love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8) • Walls rarely fall with one conversation—keep showing grace. • Pray regularly for your brother’s blessing and for your own steadfastness (Philippians 1:9-10). • Trust God to finish what you cannot (Philippians 1:6). These steps, practiced with sincerity and dependence on God’s Word, transform fortified walls into open gates. |
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