Should we honor our parents? (Exodus 20:12 vs. Luke 14:26)

Definition and Scope

Exodus 20:12 commands, “Honor your father and mother, so that your days may be long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” This directive stands as the fifth commandment in the Decalogue, a foundational moral requirement in Scripture. In contrast, Luke 14:26 includes Jesus’ statement, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother … cannot be My disciple.” A surface reading may suggest a contradiction: one passage prescribes honor, while the other appears to demand hatred. However, exploring the biblical, cultural, linguistic, and contextual backgrounds reveals how these commands align.

Honor in Biblical Perspective

“Honor” indicates giving proper respect, support, and love. The original Hebrew term in Exodus 20:12 conveys a sense of weight or seriousness in how one treats parents. This concept encompasses obedience during childhood (cf. Proverbs 1:8–9), caring for parental needs in adulthood (cf. Mark 7:10–13), and continually showing respect and gratitude.

Scripture reiterates honoring parents in the New Testament. Ephesians 6:1–2 reads, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother…” This underscores a longstanding imperative: to revere the position of father and mother as God-given authorities, reflecting His design for family order and society’s well-being.

Understanding “Hate” in the Cultural and Linguistic Context

Luke 14:26 can alarm modern readers because the English term “hate” is often understood purely as antagonism. Yet in the biblical world, especially in Semitic languages and cultural nuances, “hate” can function as a hyperbolic or comparative term. In parallel teachings such as Matthew 10:37, Jesus clarifies, “Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me…”

The essential meaning is that devotion to the Lord must take precedence over all other relationships. If honoring parents ever conflicts with one’s commitment to Christ, the believer’s allegiance rests with the Savior. This does not negate the command to honor father and mother; it sets a hierarchy of loyalty, illustrating that no earthly tie should outweigh loyalty to God.

Scriptural Consistency

When viewed together, Exodus 20:12 and Luke 14:26 reflect the dual mandates of Scripture:

1. Believers must honor and care for their parents in obedience to God’s clear command.

2. Their ultimate and supreme dedication is to the Lord, who transcends every human relationship.

These truths are not contradictory but complementary. One can (and should) still honor parents while placing Christ first. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus condemns religious traditions that undermine caring for parents (Mark 7:9–13). Consequently, the teaching in Luke 14:26 cannot be interpreted to endorse any genuine animosity or cruelty. Rather, it underscores that following Christ is an all-consuming priority, surpassing even familial attachments.

Practical Application

1. Balancing Honor and Allegiance

Individuals should provide for their parents’ needs, speak and act respectfully, and seek peace within the family (Romans 12:18). At the same time, no parental influence may overturn a clear command or calling from God.

2. Cultivating Christlike Love

True discipleship involves loving God so supremely that all other affections—although still essential—pale in comparison (Luke 14:26). This “hate” language intensifies a contrast rather than prescribing hostility.

3. Strengthening Family Bonds

The Bible portrays family as a cornerstone of society. As children grow, they continue to support and serve their parents within healthy boundaries, displaying a testament to God’s love, which is itself the highest form of devotion.

Theological and Behavioral Implications

From a behavioral perspective, honoring parents fosters a sense of gratitude, stability, and moral grounding. Placing God first prevents idolatry of relationships—ensuring that even parental bonds do not overshadow obedience to the Lord, who is the ultimate authority.

In Scripture, loving God wholeheartedly enables believers to love others, including parents, more genuinely. It is when earthly ties are properly subordinated to love for God that all relationships can flourish under His design.

Conclusion

Exodus 20:12 and Luke 14:26 present two aspects of the believer’s family dynamic: the enduring biblical command to honor parents and the call to prioritize Christ above all else. Far from being conflicting, these passages function in unity. They guide believers to navigate family relationships in a way that consistently upholds God’s authority and demonstrates deep, respectful care for parents.

“Honor your father and mother,” therefore, remains an unaltered command, while Luke 14:26 insists that disciples must hold their commitment to Christ above any familial claims. In that balance, biblical teaching affirms both the sacred role of parents and the supreme lordship of Christ.