What can we learn about handling trauma from Absalom's advice to Tamar? Setting the Scene • 2 Samuel 13 recounts Amnon’s assault of his sister Tamar. • Afterward, Tamar runs to her full brother Absalom for refuge. • The verse in focus: “Her brother Absalom said to her, ‘Has your brother Amnon been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart.’ So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in the house of her brother Absalom.” (2 Samuel 13:20) Absalom’s Advice in a Single Sentence “Be quiet…do not take this to heart.” What Absalom Got Right • Immediate shelter – He brought Tamar into his own house, offering physical protection (v. 20). • Family acknowledgment – He recognized the wrong and did not deny Amnon’s guilt (“Has your brother Amnon been with you?”). • Personal sympathy – His later fury (v. 22, 28) shows he felt her pain deeply, though he expressed it sinfully. What Absalom Got Wrong • Silencing the victim – “Be quiet” suppressed Tamar’s voice, hindering healing. • Minimizing the wound – “Do not take this to heart” ignored the depth of her trauma. • Blocking justice – He did not escort her to King David or to God’s appointed judges (cf. Deuteronomy 22:25–27). • Harboring vengeance instead of seeking righteous judgment, which later led to murder (2 Samuel 13:28-29). How Scripture Directs Us to a Better Response • Speak truth, pursue justice: “Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the cause of the poor and needy.” (Proverbs 31:9) • Comfort with compassion: “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18) • Share burdens: “Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2) • Bring pain to God openly: “Pour out your hearts before Him; God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:8) • Seek wise, godly counsel: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Proverbs 15:22) Practical Steps for Today 1. Listen without silencing. Give space for the wounded to speak their whole story. 2. Validate the wrong. Call sin what it is; do not minimize it. 3. Pursue lawful justice. Cooperate with righteous authorities rather than personal vengeance (Romans 13:3-4). 4. Offer ongoing support—spiritual, emotional, and practical. 5. Lead the hurting to Christ, who “bore our griefs and carried our sorrows” (Isaiah 53:4). 6. Encourage godly community so no one “lives desolate” (Hebrews 10:24-25). Hope for the Wounded • Jesus came “to bind up the brokenhearted” (Isaiah 61:1). • He invites every sufferer: “Come to Me… and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28). • In Him trauma is met with truth, justice, and enduring comfort: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.” (Revelation 21:4). |
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