What does the Bible say about controlling others?

Definition and Scope of “Control”

Controlling others involves attempting to impose one’s will on another person through force, manipulation, coercion, or undue influence. In everyday life, this can manifest as emotional manipulation, domineering leadership, or exploitative relationships. Scripture addresses these behaviors both directly and indirectly, pointing to God’s ultimate sovereignty and highlighting the call for mutual love and respect rather than domination.

Scriptural Themes on Authority and Submission

Throughout the Bible, legitimate expressions of authority are affirmed within families, governments, and the believing community. For instance, Romans 13:1 teaches, “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which is from God.” Yet the exercise of authority is not a license to be oppressive. Leaders are accountable to God and called to reflect His character.

Ephesians 5:21 instructs believers to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This mutual submission model contrasts sharply with self-serving control. It shows that even when one is in a position of authority—such as within a family, in church leadership, or in government—there is a scriptural call to humility and God-honoring service.

Examples of Unrighteous Control in Scripture

1. Pharaoh’s Domination of the Israelites: In Exodus, Pharaoh exerted harsh control over the Israelites, forcing them into slavery. This oppressive regime was eventually judged by God, illustrating that tyranny stands opposed to His righteous ways (cf. Exodus 1–14).

2. Jezebel’s Manipulation: In 1 Kings, Queen Jezebel manipulated situations to get her way, even arranging the murder of innocent Naboth (1 Kings 21). This episode underscores the destructive nature of dominating others for personal gain.

3. Diotrephes in the Early Church: The apostle John wrote of Diotrephes, who “loves to be first” (3 John 9–10), suggesting an attempt to control and dominate his fellow believers. John condemns this behavior as contrary to godly love and leadership.

Christ’s Model of Servanthood

One of the clearest teachings against dominating or manipulating others emerges from Jesus’ own example. In Mark 10:42–44, He says:

“‘You know that those regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their superiors exercise authority over them. But it shall not be this way among you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be the slave of all.’”

Jesus’ leadership style prioritizes genuine service over any form of oppressive control. He exemplified humility by washing His disciples’ feet (John 13:1–17) and ultimately laying down His life for humanity (John 10:18). True biblical leadership emulates Christ by embracing service, compassion, and love rather than coercion.

Prohibitions Against Manipulation and Oppression

1. Insincere Speech and Flattery: Proverbs 26:28 cautions, “A lying tongue hates those it crushes, and a flattering mouth causes ruin.” Manipulation often involves deceptive threats or insincere praise. Scripturally, God’s people are called to honesty and transparency rather than subtle forms of control.

2. False Witness and Coercion: Bearing false witness can be a tool of control. Exodus 20:16 forbids this because it undermines trust and fellowship in the community.

3. Condemnation of Oppression: Scripture repeatedly condemns oppression of the vulnerable (cf. Isaiah 10:1–2; James 5:4). Whether it is political oppression, economic exploitation, or interpersonal control, it stands in stark contrast to God’s desire for justice and mercy.

4. Counsel for Leaders: In 1 Peter 5:2–3, leaders are exhorted: “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is among you, watching over them—not out of compulsion but because it is God’s will; not out of greed but out of eagerness; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.” This passage draws a clear line between responsible, loving oversight and manipulative dominance.

Healthy Leadership vs. Authoritarianism

Scripture acknowledges the need for leadership in both secular and spiritual contexts, but it distinguishes between healthy authority and authoritarian control. Healthy leadership:

• Operates under God’s ultimate authority (Colossians 1:16–17).

• Aims to serve and edify others (Ephesians 4:11–12).

• Seeks unity and peace in the faith community (Ephesians 4:3).

• Respects personal dignity and fosters growth rather than fear and submission.

Authoritarian leadership or domineering behavior, on the other hand, is driven by power, pride, or self-interest. Such patterns produce fear, resentment, and division, undermining the very fellowship that Scripture desires in believing communities.

Practical and Behavioral Considerations

From a behavioral standpoint, attempts to control others often stem from anxiety, fear, or a desire for personal gain. Such approaches contradict biblical teachings on love. First Corinthians 13:4–5 says, “Love is patient, love is kind… It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no account of wrongs.”

Faith communities and relationships flourish when built on mutual trust and selfless service. The goal is not to stifle others but to encourage spiritual and personal growth. This approach is validated in modern relational studies, which indicate that manipulating or coercing others typically leads to conflict and broken relationships rather than true unity or obedience.

Responding to Controlling Behaviors

• Prayer and Discernment: Scripture repeatedly calls believers to pray for wisdom (James 1:5). Recognizing controlling behaviors—whether in oneself or others—requires prayerful discernment.

• Confrontation in Love: Galatians 6:1 instructs, “If someone is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him with a spirit of gentleness.” Careful confrontation can help free those trapped in patterns of manipulation or domination.

• Establish Boundaries: Healthy boundaries discourage persistent manipulation and protect relationships from habitual harm (cf. Matthew 18:15–17).

• Model Christ’s Example: Display authentic, humble, and sacrificial love. Fostering an environment where service and humility replace control and fear can radically transform personal and communal relationships.

Conclusion

The Bible consistently denounces manipulative and controlling behaviors and calls believers to a higher standard of loving authority, mutual submission, and servanthood. True leadership and healthy relationships are marked by humility, transparency, and a willingness to serve rather than dominate. By following Christ’s example, believers demonstrate God’s design for wholesome, gracious interaction, reflecting His character in a world too often shaped by self-serving control.